9 Questions To Ask Your Lover To Find Out What Your Relationship Therapist Says


  • You can learn a lot about compatibility by asking the person you like about their family and preferences.
  • For example, asking about your pet’s anger can help you know if what you’re doing is getting in the way of a deal.
  • You can also ask what their love language is to understand how they want to be treated.
  • Visit the Insider’s Health Reference library for more advice.

So you like someone. But it’s unclear what type of romantic partner they could be.

Here are the key details about your crush and how about dating him?

1. What is your favorite food?

These are easy-to-start questions to start a conversation with someone you like. It may act as an icebreaker, but it may also indicate compatibility.

For example, the person you like may follow a certain lifestyle, such as being vegan and not wanting to eat meat at home. If your ideal dinner is a delicious juicy steak, you may want to reconsider your relationship with that person.

Food can also be a great way to switch to talking about deeper topics like culture, family gatherings, and religious beliefs.

2. What do you like to do in your spare time?

You can learn more about the person you like by discovering their hobbies. You’ll even find that you like doing the same thing. If you have similar interests, you can get to know each other better by suggesting that you do it together.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to like all of the same activities to have a good relationship. “A big difference in hobbies and interests should not stop trading.” says Kassandra Heap, a human relations psychologist who is registered as an MC.

But extreme differences of interest could be a future conflict, Heap says. Heap recommends finding the following differences:

  • They love waking up at dawn for a hike on the weekend, and do you prefer to spend a slow Saturday morning in bed?
  • Do you have a solo hobby that requires a lot of time and energy and you spend more time together than alone?

3. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

“Few people break the real deal in a relationship, and exploring where to live can be one of them,” Heap says.

When starting a relationship, you may not always know where you want to settle. But if the person you like definitely wants to live in a big city and likes quiet country life, then early recognition can save you a lot of heartache in the future.

4. Do you prefer hanging out with a lot of people, or do you prefer to be one-on-one with friends?

Knowing whether your crush is an introvert or an extrovert will help you understand how your potential partner might want to spend their time, which will help you better understand who they are.

“Introverts tend to need more time alone after being with people. Extroverts tend to recharge through social interactions and need less time alone,” said licensed marriage and family therapist. says Moe Ari Brown of LMFT.

Don’t worry if the opposite person says they are attracted to, but both tend to be more extroverted (or introverted). “If you can communicate well about how much alone time you need and be honest about your abilities, you can have a good relationship together,” says Brown.

Research agrees. A 2021 study found that similar or different levels of extraversion did not change how couples felt supported by their partners.

5. What is the biggest pet annoyance?

Knowing your crush’s biggest pet can provide useful information about their boundaries and deeper insight into their personality.

“Understanding where boundaries exist can help you avoid crossing boundaries without realizing it,” says Brown. For example, if the person you like tells you that they hate talking on the phone, you might want to keep texting them or meet them in person.

You may also need to ask yourself if your pet’s irritability is compatible with your lifestyle. “For example, their biggest pet might be people who have cats. Would you break up with a hairy friend for a relationship? Probably not. So it’s good to know in advance what their buttons are,” Brown said. Says.

6. Are you close to your family?

“By looking at the relationship with the family of a loved one, you can see how they came to understand how a relationship works,” Heap says.

For example, a 2018 study found that young adults who mostly experienced harmonious and cohesive families are more likely to have healthy romantic relationships.

Heap advises that you can find indicators such as:

  • Are you overly dependent and deeply involved in your family’s life?
  • Too many breakups and a lack of emotional connections?

However, just because someone doesn’t have a good relationship with their family doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t be a good partner. Asking about your family is just a great way to get to know them better.

7. How did your last relationship end?

“The way they talk about and reflect on their last relationship says a lot about preparing for a relationship with a new person,” Brown says.

Judging by your favorite person’s answer, you might consider:

  • Are they responsible for themselves?
  • Can you talk about what they learned?
  • Are they just blaming others?

“You know you’re ready for a new love when someone can take responsibility for the way they represent a relationship,” Brown says.

Brown says you can repeat the mistakes of the past simply by blaming your ex and talking badly about your relationship.

8. What is your love language?

If you think you have your crush on you too, you might not be in too much of a hurry to ask about their love language. A person’s love language describes how to give and receive love, including categories such as quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical contact.

However, you don’t have to have the same love language as your partner to have a good relationship. “The goal of learning the language of love should be to open the way for you to start a conversation and talk about the needs and desires of your relationship,” says Brown.

Knowing more about what your partner likes can improve your relationship. A 2015 study of heterosexual and gay couples found that people felt greater love and relationship satisfaction when their partners spoke their preferred love language.

9. Is there anything you want to know about me?

This question is a great way to let others know that you are open-minded and willing to share.

You can also learn something about your crush from the questions they ask, such as what is important to them in life or in a relationship.

If your crush doesn’t seem curious about you, this could be another important sign. They may be uninterested in relationships or tend to be egocentric.

Insider’s Takeout

Having an open, candid conversation is a great way to start a relationship or see if someone is right for you. Asking questions about your loved one’s love language, social life, and interests can be an important test of your compatibility.

“Enjoy every moment of exploration and don’t be afraid to go deeper into your questions and let the people you like do the same,” says Brown.

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