Breitbart’s guide to the best and worst of Eurovision 2022

Continental Europe and Australia, for some reason, are gearing up to pick the Saturday winners of this year’s Eurovision Song Contest, a glitzy festival of pop songs. invent As an alternative to World War III.

The Song Contest brings together dozens of countries, each sending an original song to be judged, ranked, and voted by a popular jury by a large jury of experts. It consists of long-running broadcasts of artists performing songs from each country. Consciousness All countries distribute points. 12 points for 1st place, 10 points for 2nd place, and various categories are scored from 1 to 8. The country with the highest score wins and is held next year.

As with the equally geopolitically related UN Security Council, the Eurovision Song Contest final will feature five permanent seats reserved for France, Germany, Italy, Spain and the United Kingdom. The UK is notorious for having poor contests and is often at the bottom, but not all of the “Big 5” take their place for granted.

Italy, for example, is the host of the year after winning a contest in 2021 for the glam rock item that made the band Maneskin an international success.

2021 was a unique year in that the previous year’s competition was canceled due to the Chinese coronavirus pandemic, leaving each country two years to prepare. The return of the contest was also more commonly considered a celebration. In other words, instead of the melancholy and forgettable ballads that many people use to make phone calls, real fun songs were sent out of the country.

Ballads are most definitely back this year, and so are the blatant violations of the “No Politics” rule. Some countries choose to violate this by condemning the hypothermic coronavirus culture, while others choose to violate it by blaming the world for climate change. Eurovision’s eternal villain, Russia, was banned entirely this year following the recent invasion of Ukraine (Russia joined in 2015, but Ukraine didn’t send a song because of the Russian invasion).

Below are the best and worst of this year’s contest. A winner who has a chance to win, a winner who has to be a winner, and an entry you’ll hate if it’s not good enough to embarrass your audience.

Will Win: Ukraine-Kalush Orchestra, “Stephania”

Eurovision’s “no politics” rule explicitly prohibits countries from submitting songs with political lyrics, but it certainly doesn’t prevent political votes. Greece in 2005 fairly mediocre entry Because the debt crisis has stimulated European sentiment towards Germany and the financially struggling Athens. In 2004, Russia invaded Ukraine. right away Kyiv Eurovision Song Contest 2005. In 2017, Ukraine had no historical significance at all, Secret Anti-Russian SongSo Europe picked it up as the winner that year.

Ukraine’s phenomenal 2021 entry should have won the competition, but odds-makers fully expect this year’s entry to offset that. GoA’s “sium” – complete with a video shot in the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone – would have won another year without a sufficiently popular band. performing at Coachella, And this year Ukraine decided to submit a “fork wrap”.

Eurovision’s rap is always a mistake. The show involves a Jamiroquai hat, and the geometric pattern is a bit of a seizure-inducing beat, but catchy enough when you stop trying to rap. this man It will be held next year, so if the country wins, it will not be a particularly sad outcome.

Must Win: Serbia – Konstrakta, “In Corpore Sano”

Serbia is clearly violating the “no politics” rule for this rule, but whoever cares, it’s time for someone to ridicule the sanitary fanaticism caused by the coronavirus. The chorus of the song simply ends with ‘Healthy’. ‘A healthy body and a sick mind/ A healthy body and a sad soul/ A longing heart for a healthy body/ A frightened heart for a healthy body’ / Now?”

Konstrakta, the stage name of the performer Ana Đurić, decided The point of the song is to ask how much mental health and spiritual damage humanity can expect to suffer to avoid coronavirus infection. Meghan Markle’s comments seem to mock mainstream European centre-left culture, as does the fact that she spends all her singing performance washing her hands.

the rest are the best

Moldova – Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers, “Trenulețul”

Zdob şi Zdub is a veteran of Eurovision and perfectly embraces the traditional/folk ethos of an event that is silly, blatant, but not slightly, but particularly dedicated. The concept of the song is obviously a dance party on a train from Moldova to Romania, featuring aboriginal costumes and many accordions. It’s okay to laugh at this song. The point is to smile. That should be the goal of Eurovision songs.

Spain – Chanel, “SloMo”

Spain is generally terrible at Eurovision. Ballade or truly It is horrible Tried to have a sense of humor, but this year they cheated (it’s not really against the rules) and sent a Cuban contestant. So the song is actually pretty good. Although it doesn’t sound European at all and is reminiscent of the reggaeton dance beats popular in Puerto Rico, “SloMo” has the advantage of sounding like a song produced and promoted by a major record label, for example, on New York Spanish Radio. Bonus points for songs in the country’s native language, Chanel’s obvious Caribbean accent aside.

Czech Republic – We Are Domi, “Light Off”

Trying to sound like a major label hit, these items are double-edged swords, but when they work, they work. Maneskin won last year’s Eurovision song contest because it clearly sounded like a band that would become famous alone. We Are Domi is bringing that energy. This item has a clear Calvin Harris influence, but is original, inspiring and entertaining. The music video has a real storyline and is fun to watch.

Italy – Mahmood & BLANCO, “Brividi”

In order not to be too discriminatory about the ballad – which on record should simply be banned from Eurovision (this should be a party!) – this is the best ballad out of the bunch. Emphasizing same-sex relationships is a tired Eurovision metaphor at this point, eight years later. bearded drag queen They took the trophy, but apart from the video, Italians know how to compose and play heartbreaking love songs.

have to lose

Norway – Subwoolfer, “Give That Wolf a Banana”

You might think it’s a quirky and fun dance song, but why does it deserve to be last-ditched over a more haunting ballad?

Because we have already done this as a planet. ” he“It was terrible, Ylvis said, and we have to stay in 2013 where it belongs.

worst rest

UK – Sam Ryder, “Space Man”

The UK is a permanent member of the Sec-Eurovision “Big 5”, so you don’t really have to struggle to come up with something that can withstand it. To be honest, the chorus isn’t terrible, but the falsetto of ‘If I were an astronaut’ is a really sad song. And here are some profound lyrics: “I’m up in space, man/Up in space, man” and “I’m in the wrong place, man/Up in space, man” But, nothing, nothing space, only humans, nothing No, nothing, nothing but space, human.”

You know you can’t send anything? uk? Can’t you just send a song?

France – Alvan & Ahez, “Fulen”

Totally Shameless Excerpt from Ukraine’s Brilliant 2021 Entry “Shum” same neon green tone and post-apocalyptic, 100style costume. The reason Shum succeeded is because it was filmed in an actual post-apocalyptic wasteland based on a Ukrainian folk song. Eurovision desperately needs a “no plagiarism” rule.

Iceland – Systur, “Með Hækkandi Sól”

Iceland often misses notes and sends Eurovision sad songs that are very boring and barely melodic. last year It was an exception. We also had a happy song in Iceland. So it was a good year! – But they seem to have returned to their usual quiet time. The song works as atmospheric background noise for a dramatic montage of the acclaimed television drama, but not as eloquent anthem as Eurovision winners think it is.

What did I just see? Honorable Mention

Georgia didn’t make it to the finals, I wouldn’t call this “good”, but my life has been better to see it. Thanks, Georgia.

Frances Martel Facebook And Twitter.

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